Has it really been that long? Have I really been living in Baltimore for almost three years now? When I moved back here in late 2011, I had no real intention of staying, and then one thing led to another, one job to the next, and then I was three apartments in (2 good, 1 utter evil) and settled into routines. Or not quite, I don’t think I ever really found a great routine. I tried a number of things, but ultimately, I don’t think I built up a love and appreciation for this city that could rival those of lives past. I think that was mostly for lack of trying, for always being away, traveling up and down the coast, for always thinking that I would be gone in no time, and better to maintain my distance than build any real lasting ties. There are definitely some, a few people and places for which I will always maintain a certain fondness for in my mind, but overall, I am marred by a quickening desire to get away from here as soon as possible, to move on finally to somewhere new.
And life is really too short for that kind of living: why even bother with reality when we have futures to look forward to?
But now I am doing both, enjoying my last week here and looking oh-so-forward to all the things to come. I think once I had made up my mind to move on, when plans transition from vague to concrete, then I can finally enjoy life in the present. There is no longer the subtle ill-inducing feeling that I might be doing just this one thing forever. So in a sense, it is not only the beginnings of things which I often anticipate, it is the ends.